random acts of violets

OK GO LEGO!

2009-08-27T16:32:00.005Z

I absolutely love the original video, there's something so uplifting about synchronised dance, especially when it looks like it took a long time to get to the point where they could film it in one take.

Now to add to the brilliance of that video, some people called Team Ayayo has re-created it with stop-motion lego. Come on.

It's the end of the world. Oh no, it's not.

2009-08-25T09:59:00.002Z

Good grief, I can't believe this story is back again:
European Union ban on lightbulbs leads to a dim future. It is truly a slow news day.

Back in January the Daily Mail got into a frothing orgasm of ineffectual outrage about the entire world being forced to bump into objects and ruin their eyesight by using lightbulbs so hideous and bad they were hardly deserving of the name. Despite that fact that the summer before, the Daily Mail had run a promotion on the said same bulbs.

The web article was full of comments from people who seem to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about lightbulbs. One comment even stated that a 100W bulb was THE ONLY LUXURY that they afforded themselves. Oh do fuck off.

Now the Telegraph is following very much the same line, 90% of the article bemoaning that the new bulbs are total shit, before including a very small line from someone who has actually used the lightbulbs in the last 30 years saying, actually they're fine, what's the fuss about, you can still see by them, innit.

Anyway, at least reading such an idiotic, knee-jerk 'article' has done more to raise my blood-pressure than an entire pot of very strong coffee; not sure if that's a good thing or not.

Bulls eye

2009-08-20T10:00:00.003Z

Well, not quite.

After what has felt like months, I have finally managed to qualify on the 60 yards target at the archery field - scoring over 100 points on 24 arrows.

I think I've finally twigged that I'm pulling the string back to slightly the wrong point so I'm trying to target through the string and that's pulling all my shots off to the right.

Anyhoo. What this now means is that I have the codes to the locks and can go down to the field whenever I want to loose a few shafts. Or have a go at archery. Whatever.

One of the proper archers commented that he thought I was doing well to score on the 60 using beginners equipment as it's not fine-tuned enough, which was a nice ego boost having felt so useless for so many weeks.

Getting very tempted to spend more money than I've got on proper kit now!

Testing, now waiting

2009-07-21T10:42:00.003Z

Saturday saw me bright and early in Truro at the opticians.
My prescription hasn't changed at all and in fact they seemed a bit bewildered as to why I was coming in for an eye test at all. I think it was something to do with not having had an eye test for over three years, and also receiving weekly letters from them for the last three months warning that my eyes will fall out if I don't book an IMMEDIATE appointment.

Anyhoo.

At the end of the appointment, I had to do a special test with a big scary machine in another room. You stare at a light and every time you see a little light flash somewhere in your peripherary vision, you have to hit a button, or as I liked to think, a trigger.

They made out that it was to test the nerves in my eye, but I like to think they were really testing my nerves of steel and my cat-like reflexes.

Apparently I did 'very well', so any day now I am expecting to be invited to become The Last Starfighter and to jet off into space to save various civilisations from evil marauders and such.

Any day now.

Old times

2009-07-03T12:18:00.002Z

I spent some time last night sorting through old boxes of stuff from my uni days, getting rid of some things that I no longer have any idea why I kept in the first place, but also taking some time to look back through old photos and old letters.

It struck me as amazing how much things have changed in just such a short space of time. I started at Exeter 15 years ago this autumn, and the prevalence of tech now compared to then... blimey!

In halls in the first year, I was the only person on a floor of 16 people that had a computer, and then only because I was studying computer science.

No-one had a mobile phone, so there were always queues for the phones - one in each stair well.

Everyone had phonecards stuck in their noticeboards.

Everyone wrote letters to communicate with friends around the country.

With no digital cameras, after any parties there would be lists stuck on the wall for anyone wanting to get copies of photos taken, and then re-prints would be bought from the camera shop in town.

After uni when people started working, they often still had email but it may well be one email address shared between an entire office - accessed on the one computer that was linked to the internet.

And if you tell that to the kids of today ...

The Observer lifestyle section can kiss my arse

2009-06-06T21:54:00.002Z

Well, I've had quite a couple of days.

Yesterday I took the day off from my newly formed new-media company with a silly name, to attend the local county agricultural show where I spent the day examining various livestocks, before chatting with various exhibitors that I know, buying over-priced bits of handmade pottery, artisan cheese and locally grown asparagus whilst also spotting local mini-celebrities in the flower tent (thank you Mr Seth Lakeman (very, very small)) and supping on locally-brewed fine ales.

I then went on to the terribly chic village of Padstow to eat Fish and Chips (well, at the very least half a portion of fish and chips, before being mugged by a bastard seagull).

This evening I have feasted (well, I had a couple of slices, but you have to get into the "mode") on said artisanal cheese, before lightly boiling said local asparagus and knocking up a quick hollandaise sauce with butter and some free range eggs, collected the day before from the small holding of one of my clients.

Nigel Slater can't hold a torch to me, he really can't.

Pretty things, let me show you them

2009-05-18T15:38:00.002Z

A new post in my occasional series of pretty pieces of mac tec.

I really would like to get a mac laptop to replace my windows one but I just can't bring myself to spend two-to-three times as much to get the kind of spec that I want.

That said, I am always happy when I can get to use bits of Apple kit so my latest arrangement of my working environment is a winner.

I've used a laptop exclusively for the last 5 years or so, but it has always resulted in me getting a sore back. This is a combination of being tall, having bad posture, a very large stomach and a low laptop - it just doesn't work properly on the desk.

I have had the laptop up on a very advanced and sophisticated stand for a little while (i.e. two reams of A4 paper) which helped but I was still typing away on the laptop itself, which makes my arms ache.

God this is exciting, isn't it!

So finally I have moved my laptop up onto a shelf above the desk, which is great, and have bought an Apple keyboard to type on. One of the thin, heavy, metal ones.
And it's bloody lovely.

As you were.

My twopenneth on the expenses fiasco

2009-05-18T15:25:00.002Z

I think, on the whole, that I probably agree with Stephen Fry on this.
Yes it's obviously wrong that the MPs have generally been working the system for so long and taking the piss somewhat to top up already quite significant salaries, but there are surely more important things that they should be doing. Like governing and all that.

I think my feeling on this is made more so by getting so annoyed with the continual press coverage/feeding frenzy/outrage orgy and then automatically wanting to go the other way on it.

It's not really news to report that "people don't like it" or "people think it is wrong". Well of course. If asked, people would probably express a preference not to be punched repeatedly in the face.

But I think the worst bit of it all is the over-the-top indignation from the press and the quite amazing level of insinuation they get out of every article.

A prime example is this line (I think from the Indepedent) which strikes me as an incredibly loaded way of saying nothing at all:

Mr Watson, a close ally of Gordon Brown who was forced to deny involvement in the recent Damian McBride email scandal,...

Well, what does that mean? Surely it means that he had nothing to do with it.
Should I get asked tomorrow, I would also be forced to deny involvement.

Very odd.

---

On an unrelated geek-moment, in order to stress the "I" in that above bit, I've just wrapped the I in i tags. Not quite sure why that tickles me, but still.

A momentous decision

2009-04-03T17:34:00.003Z

Those who know me know that for a long time now, I've had something on my mind. I've wanted to blog about it for ages, but needed to make sure I had it clear in my head first.

It's taken up way too much of my time, causing sleepless nights and un-productive days. Whether trying to work, or shopping in the local supermarket; walking on the beach or cleaning the kitchen, it keeps haunting me and forcing me, finally, to face things head on.

I've consulted with on-line documents and repeatedly watched the carefully crafted television segments that they show and I can now finally announce my decision.

I think it actually _is_ the maybelline. I don't think she was born with it at all.

In a nutshell

2009-03-11T14:40:00.003Z

Great article by David Mitchell in this week's Observer where he discuss teenagers in general, and sums up the economy in a great single line:

One of the fastest growing areas in our economy in the years leading up to the crunch was the selling of crap to twats.

Don't talk to me about teen spirit.

Middle class injuries

2009-02-16T12:45:00.002Z

I'm suffering slightly today having yesterday burnt the roof of my mouth on a slightly too hot celeriac and jerusalem artichoke dauphinoise with seared venison.

Not the butchest of injuries, all things considered.

Boilerdash

2008-11-25T13:33:00.002Z

The saga continues of the new boiler. We're on day two of the installation.
Been lots of befuzzled amusement at the state of the existing boiler, random pipes and odd wiring.

I've also been doing my bit to amuse the engineer with my general ineptitude, lack of knowledge over anything to do with the heating system, or pipes. or water. or indeed pretty much anything.

The new boiler is here but doesn't fit the space of the old one. So i'm having foot-square hole in the wall bricked up, and a new hole for the flue drilled as we speak. In an 18-inch think wall, consisting of concrete on the inside. And granite on the outside. Fun.

The first engineer has now run away and a colleague has taken over - I asked him if he'd lost the game of cards, but he reckoned they did it all with straws.

Oh tits.

2008-11-21T10:07:00.002Z

As a nearly final part of getting my house sorted out, I had the gas engineer round today to service the boiler and the gas hob.
Gas hob now sorted, and the wok burner is back to full smelting power.

Not so great with the boiler. After a few "would you look at that" style chuckles, and the odd quizzical humph, the engineer has now deemed the boiler "immediately dangerous" and has disconnected it. He seemed genuinely amazed that the boiler hasn't already killed me at some point during the last five years of living here. So that's good.

He said that he would advise me to disconnect the boiler, then added that if I refused, he'd call the gas board to come and rip my gas out. So I thought about it and said yes.

As this has brilliantly occurred on a Friday, looks like Monday or Tuesday before they can get here with a new one.

To add to annoyances for today, my next door neighbour's smoke alarm has been sounding its "no battery" alarm with a continual high-pitched beeping since 2am.

Most of this weekend will be spent, I forsee, huddled around the wok burner.

Palin Biden her time

2008-11-06T16:30:00.002Z

That wasn't the awful pun I was intending when I started this. And it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense but still, both American VP candidates.

The papers today are making much of the fact that Sarah Palin could be up for running for the Senate seat in Alaska so I keep seeing headlines of "Senator Palin".

I can't help thinking that really she's aiming to be Senator Palpatine - it's only a few letters out for heaven's sake - classic evil-doer behaviour that, hide behind a poor pun.

Unfortunate wording

2008-11-06T16:28:00.002Z

I finally got round to buying a poppy this year. By this point I've normally lost ten of the blighters.

When I went up to the seller, I realised that I only had tiny bits of change, mainly 2s and 5s and so apologised by saying "Sorry, I've only really got shrapnel at the moment." Only realising a bit too late that this is probably a deeply inappropriate phrase to use really.

Great biz speak

2008-10-29T09:48:00.002Z

Just has an unsolicited mail via the company website but that's OK, because it says at the bottom quite strongly that it _isn't_ an unsolicited mail. So I guess that's OK.

To be honest I didn't get much beyond the first line, but it was a bit of a corker:

"Dear Manager, Hope you are doing great! I am, A___ L___ the Business Development Manager with C______________ Ltd . I am here to focus on acquiring and understanding your business needs and nurturing you with the outstanding talent we have which will generate and sustain significant and beneficial growth to your organization maintaining the quality. "

Yes, yes dear. But what do you actually want and what are you actually going to do?
I believe that line could better be summed up by the sentence

"Do you want some?"

Starbucks - no stars

2008-10-29T09:44:00.002Z

Had a meeting on Monday and decided for convenience to try out the new starbucks, located on the chiverton cross roundabout.
The two chaps behind the till (i can't bring my self to call them baristas) were priceless. Trying to sell the "hot chocolate of the day" they informed my colleague that they "tried it and thought it was horrible, but still".

They also apologised for there being no food as "the truck never turns up till mid-morning, rubbish!".

I did notice that someone has a sense of humour though, as my small mug of filter coffee was labelled on the receipt as a "tall drip". Tall I will own up to, but drip!

ow!

2008-10-08T22:36:00.002Z

That was one of the best 90 seconds of my life so far.

Wandering into my bedroom, I just managed to stab my toe on a centimetre long shard of glass which unleashed enough blood to soak my sock, cover my foot and my hand in blood. So that was nice.
Staggering into my office to try and find a plaster, I then succeeeded in knocking my cafetiere to the floor, smashing it into pieces.

More glass, and now the realisation of no coffee in the morning ahead of 6 hours of lecturing.

Cock.

New word needed

2008-09-22T18:37:00.002Z

I think there needs to be a new word created that basically means: "the sense of deflation felt when one goes to turn on a mobile phone, thinking it has been switched off all day, only to discover that it has been on and working it's just that no-one has tried to contact you in any way, shape or form since yesterday morning".

Evidence of the increased cost of living

2008-07-13T17:00:00.000Z

Popped in to ASDA today for some quick provisions (going to ASDA isn't the evidence by the way) and it came to an incredible £10.89. Outrageous.

3 bottles of red wine on a special offer came to £10.
Perfectly reasonable, well-priced and so on.

But 89p for a piece of bloody broccoli!
Something must be done.

Bone daddy

2008-07-12T11:24:00.003Z

I'm working today (yes I know, on the weekend for heaven's sake) and to try and temper the embuggerance of having to do this, I've got some crap telly playing on the computer next to me.

First up is the frankly so-bad-it's-almost-bearable BoneKickers.

Whilst I'm sure there are some nice touches in there (from the archaeologists I know, a lot of importance is placed on biscuits) a lot of it so far is amazingly crap.

We've got the lead digger who swans around with a small trowel, tossing off bon-mots whilst staring in to middle distance; shouting grand statements whilst striding in to shot and speaking to the trench: "show me your secrets".

In addition to that, they do like to make sure the audience isn't lost at all.
The trenches have been dug in the shape of a cross, and we get lots of overhead shots to prove it.

They've just done a bit about some wood that was found in the trench. Following some searching in the World Wood Classification and Searching Database that Holds Details On All Known Woods (there's quite a large section on Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom) they've claimed that the wood in question is from the holy land 2000 years ago, and that someone had a nail driven through them and then bled into the wood.

Hmmnnn. What could it mean? What could the wood be, do we think?

Thankfully we don't have to consider it too long as 5 seconds after this proclamation, one of the characters pulls out a photo of the crucifixion. You know, that one with jesus. In the holy land. 2000 years ago.

That one.

Can't wait to see where this one goes, although I've got to pause for a moment as that scene literally made me choke on my coffee.

Mind you it does also have Paul Nicholls playing a mental with an impressive weapon.

Let's throw it on the doorstep and see who salutes

2008-07-10T09:23:00.000Z

Just had this from a networking thing taking place at a local pub

---
The event takes place on Thursday 31st July at the newly refurbished William IV in Truro, thanks to our friends at St Austell Brewery. The William IV reopens its doors to the public on July 23 following a £700k redesign and repositioning.
---

Do they mean it's moved?
Or are they just using marketing-w4nk-speak?

I think we know.

It's not what happened, it's how you feel about it that's important

2008-05-26T12:10:00.003Z

For a long time I've felt annoyed with TV news and how it's presented, with everyone increasingly desperate to make everything extremely dramatic and full of import, when generally it isn't. It's a bit dull.

There is also a lot of time examining how people feel about what happened, increasingly on the BBC how people who weren't there and have nothing to do with it, feel. "Send in your random, whittering views no matter how full of bile and bigotry." It's as if the BBC doesn't think any of these people have blogs!

I was particularly annoyed about this this week with the explosion in Exeter. I'd only heard bits about it and, with Exeter being where I went to uni, I wanted to know exactly what was going on. I tuned in to BBC Spotlight, who seemed to devote most of the evening to the events. At the end they handed over to their home affairs correspondent (who luckily wasn't doing his usual presenting from country fairs, or an under-5s basketball tournament) to give us the latest. Instead he wanted us to reflect on the impact and emotion of the last few days.

I'd really rather not. I'd just like to know exactly what happened please, without being told how I should be feeling about it with dramatic music, gurning faces or hyperbole.

It really would be quicker, I think, if they just introduced a system of on-screen emoticons next to each headline (happy, sad, bemused, nauseated) that tell us all exactly how we should respond to any given event.

Let the snarking recommence

2008-05-15T11:08:00.004Z

Well, back from travels now and ready to start highlighting amusing faux pas from other people and generally mocking them on the internet.

Got through a guideline document today on how to write good html emails for marketing, but I think they missed out an important one: write good english.

The joys of travel

2008-03-31T17:42:00.001Z

Am on a First Great Western train on the way to London, ready to start my "World Wide Trip (TM)" and the fun has started already.

Just back from the buffet car where they have a bizarre take on a menu.
Mot of the usual suspects (panini, sandwiches, baps and so forth) are all there, but they have also decided to offer some 'real food'. Worried that just naming the things they offer might not sell it in strongly enough to the trapped-masses, FGW have decided to create a named range of items. These include:

Look what we found! Chili con carne
Look what we found! Mushroom Stroganoff.

What ghastly meeting were those names cooked up in?

Where did you find it? Why did you decide to try and sell it to me as food?
Why does the fact that you found it, presumably whilst looking for something else, mark it out as being nicer and worth the money than if you had cooked it?
Very odd.

----------

One would think that the benefit of travelling in first class would be less irritation by one's fellow passengers (plus the ability to use the word one twice in one sentence - oh god, I can't stop!). Behind me are a couple with a child but amazingly, the child isn't the irritant. It's the bloody mother! One of those people who are very much set on Transmit, she is also, it would seem, set on infinite loop.

There was a problem with the hot water when I got on, which means that the buffet car couldn't give hot drinks. End. of. the. fucking. world. apparently.
"Oh David, I can't survive without my coffee". One can only hope.

Sadly service has now been restored and she has indeed had her coffee.
Score one for her, zero for the rest of the carriage.

---------

Great story in the Times today about Charlotte Green getting a fit of the giggles during the news yesterday morning on Radio 4. What tickled me most was the last time this happened to her: it was when having to read out the name of Papua New Guinea's Chief of Staff - Jack Tuat.

Tech lust

2008-03-20T11:50:00.002Z

In preparation for my trip away, I have just bought a stupidly expensive piece of tech-candy - the new ipod touch.

Sweet jiminiy-cricket.

Even the packaging is lovely. I've yet to get a protective case for it so I'm just using it as is - it is ridiculously thin and groovy.

Yummy.

Never forget the first rule of fixing technology

2008-03-20T10:06:00.002Z

I have a motorola razr phone. It's very pretty, but it does have a tendency to stop working periodically.
It completely died a few years ago, helpfully in the middle of the worst snow Cornwall had seen for a few years and this meant I was stuck in Truro with no way of calling anyone, so had to walk 3 miles to a friend's house on the off-chance that they were in.

It also sometimes won't turn on, or display anything on the screen.
It's been blank now for a day or so.
I tried all the usual things - make sure it's fully charged, take the battery out for a day and so on.
Finally I happened across the solution in a forum somewhere, so I record it here for anyone else having problems:

Put the phone on it's side and twat it one.

Bingo!

Movie Meme - answers

2008-03-18T16:04:00.001Z

1. "I've got a bastard behind the eyes."
>> Withnail and I

2. "Just what this country needs: a cock, in a frock, on a rock."
>> Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

3. "Are you, indeed, yes, heavens."
>> Gosford Park

4. "If I was going to kill you Ed, I'd use my hands."
>> Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistlestop Cafe

5. "I'm not dead Cheryl."
>> Muriels' Wedding

6. "I've got my happy face on Les!"
>> Strictly Ballroom (spotting a movie theme so far?)

7. "Good lord honey, you didn't even achieve penetration with the elephant gun."
>> Tremors

8. "Can I get any of you cunts a drink?"
>> Shaun of the Dead

9. "You can't make an omellete without breaking eggs. Any cook will tell you that."
"Yes, but look what happened to the cook!"
>> Clue

10. "OK let's call things by their realy names: dentifrice, vagina and sour-fucking-grapes."
>> The Oppposite of Sex

Don't read this, Attention: don't read this!

2008-03-18T16:00:00.003Z

I've just been out for a nice long lunch with a friend.
She's hired a very swanky motor whilst her car is in for repair. A very swish, all bells and whistles Merc.

My favourite part is the console screen in the middle of the dashboard. It's usually covered by a "nothing here, nothing to see, don't break into the car" flap, but as we were driving along, I pressed the button that revealed the screen.

Ever safety conscious, the screen then starts flashing a brightly coloured message, along the lines of

"Don't be distracted by this screen whilst driving"

All it really needed to add was some kind of klaxon or flashing lights in the head-rests.

Who does she think she is, Oliver or Nancy?

2008-03-06T12:00:00.003Z

Either someone is having a big laugh at the BBC, or any day now a top executive will be sat in their office silently mouthing the words "Oliver... Nancy" when a burning light bulb of realisation will ping on and they'll feel all of the blood drain into their stomach.

In the meantime, double-entendre abounds.

From the latest programme info pack, summing up the series, there is this gorgeous quote:

"In time-honoured tradition, the Nancys will be vying to make their mark on Andrew and the panel and, from programme three, will also need to gain viewers' support to stay in with a chance of winning the coveted role of Nancy in the West End."

There's also the mention of attending Nancy school. Fried gold.

Water idiot

2008-03-06T11:31:00.001Z

An article in the telegraph today about an idiot back packer in Australia who was surprised to find that crocodiles aren't all cuddly and friendly after all.
read and see photos.

My favourite photo, I think, is the one at the end with the eejit and his mate at the end, looking a bit grave and serious.

Twats.

Bad weather

2008-03-03T23:36:00.003Z

I wonder what it is that makes bad weather so appealing?

There is absolutely nothing I love more than when it is absolutely whamming it down with rain, hail, sleet or snow. For preference I'll be inside with a cup of tea, or a glass of wine, and the option of reading a good book or watching a number of episodes of The West Wing. But I also really like to be out for a good walk in appalling weather as well.

Last weekend I made it out to Godrevy, along with my sister, to walk along the beach in an absolute hoolie. Coat on, hood up, gloves on. Rain coming in almost horizontally. Freezing cold. Bloody loved it.

Possibly only loved it because I knew a central-heated house, cup of tea, slice of toast and the Sunday papers were only a 10-minute drive away, but still.

It's always been like this. As children the only only time you could get either of us to leave the house was in the middle of a storm or a blizzard.

It's been hailing here most of the evening, on and off. Occasionally it's been so loud I can't here the telly, and I've gone and stood by the kitchen door, the top half of the stable door open. Grinning like a twat.

I'm now at my desk writing a proposal for a job I really want to get. I'd really rather be in bed about now, but the fact that I can hear the rain beating outside my window is making it (almost) seem OK.

Another gastronomic high point

2008-02-23T17:04:00.002Z

As if the news this week of some of the delights in Delia's new book weren't enough to have us celebrating, I've just seen this delightful product on offer in Tesco:

Of course they're battered. Why wouldn't they be. It's not as if deep-fried potato isn't greasy enough as it is. (Note: not the _actual_ product name)

Movie Meme

2008-02-18T15:43:00.002Z

I don't usually find these that tempting, but saw this on a friend's blog the other day and it inspired me to post (first time in 5 months too - christ!)

Quotes from favourite movies, guess the movie.

1. "I've got a bastard behind the eyes."

2. "Just what this country needs: a cock, in a frock, on a rock."

3. "Are you, indeed, yes, heavens."

4. "If I was going to kill you Ed, I'd use my hands."

5. "I'm not dead Cheryl."

6. "I've got my happy face on Les!"

7. "Good lord honey, you didn't even achieve penetration with the elephant gun."

8. "Can I get any of you cunts a drink?"

9. "You can't make an omellete without breaking eggs. Any cook will tell you that."
"Yes, but look what happened to the cook!"

10. "OK let's call things by their realy names: dentifrice, vagina and sour-fucking-grapes."

Reassuring or threatening

2007-10-11T17:47:00.000Z

All comes down to the tone I guess, but I'm not sure that I think the advert for Morrisons is all that successful when a guy behind the counter says to a customer "I know exactly what's in your sandwich".

But that might just be me.

We're all a little torn... discuss

2007-09-28T14:20:00.000Z

This is one of my most favourite things ever (well, that I'm prepared to put on a website that is read by people I know...).

Want.

2007-08-09T10:47:00.001Z

Bad news: it's all in how you spin it

2007-08-09T10:38:00.000Z

Just got this from a mate who is trying to get new broadband installed.

Begs the question: what actually constitutes bad news these days.

Post-modern ironic twist

2007-08-05T15:56:00.000Z

I've been celebrating the fact that finally, having tweaked my aerial, I can now see more than three channels on freeview by continually zooming through the channels to see if there is anything I _want_ to watch, now that I _can_.

I'm starting to feel a little dizzy by the fact that everytime I go on to ITV2 or ITV2+1 they seem to be showing groundhog day.

Which makes me wonder if they actually _are_ showing it, or if I am simply re-living the same movie.

This was confounded last night by an attack of the flies.
For some reason there seems to be a ton of house flies around at the moment.
I have developed a very effective technique of blatting them with my eco-friendly cleaning spray (water and vinegar) and then, whilst they are a bit dazed (and possibly looking for some chips to go with it) twat them with any handy implement. Usually the handy implement is the spray bottle itself, although it started to leak a little last night so I ended up delivering nature's final kiss courtesy of my 12 inch global cooks knife. Not dangerous at all.

I reckon yesterday and today I have dispatched around 20-30 of the blessed little things to the big strip of fly-paper in the sky.

However, last night it was all a bit odd as they only seemed to appear one at a time, making me begin to question whether I was actually killing loads, or just the same one, time after time.

If it wasn't for the tiny chalk outlines around each fly corpse, I'd never really know for sure!

What's in a name?

2007-06-18T12:13:00.000Z

An intriguing advert in the back of this Sunday's Independent.
The Growler Flask.
I can see the tv ad now: "Go on, show them your growler!".

Similarly badly named was a concept on the Mary Queen of Shops programme this week when they wanted to call a new shop Clout only to find that it was a local expression for lady-garden. 'Ecky thump: she's got some clout in this town...

Fish is good for you

2007-05-28T17:41:00.000Z

Follow up to Penryn

2007-05-26T10:16:00.000Z

Yonks ago I posted about the new Intel processor in development with the codename of Penryn.

Turns out a local IT company tried to jump on the panic bandwagon to try and drum up some business and issued some doomladen press releases that got snapped up by the papers everywhere.

I hate this method of trying to get business: scare the shit out of people and then happen to mention in the last paragraph that you can sort it out for them.

What I do love about this story though is the response that it received from those interviewed, generally along the lines of "ah well, yes but it won't _really_ make any difference will it. move along."

Someone else did this ages ago with the Firefox browser, using some distinctly shoddy statistics and a crude approximation of the effects that would be felt.

The screaming headline of "Over 50% of the world won't be able to see your website. you will be DEAD TO THEM!!!!!!!!" actually boiled down to "approximately 15% of the entire world are using this new browser, particularly in tecchie circles, and it's possible that your site won't look exactly like it does in IE when they look at it. Not too much to worry about, but it might be worth having a check sometime, just in case".

Not that I belittle the differences that browsers can have (sometimes quite significant) but as long as the site has been built vaguely properly in the first place, it should be OK.

Of course if you do happen to have a website built for IE that you want found by people using firefox and who just type the word "penryn" into google, I can fix it for about £30k!

Drop me a line...

Words that should be banned

2007-05-26T10:05:00.000Z

There was a programme on the other day about a school that tried to ban swearwords.
I do have rather a potty mouth, but then it's fucking funny when I swear (not so much the chavs on the street, but there we are).
I have my own set of words, though, that I find offensive and think should be banned. These include:

veggies
chocs
cheeky (as in "she can still have a cheeky chinese")

I'm sure there's more, so I will no doubt update this post as the gorge rises!

Actually, one other thing on words, not that should be banned, but just changes that always irritate me. I have no idea if my views on this are correct, or if the other uses are correct but:

roofs rather than rooves
lighted rather than lit

why is "he lighted the lamps" better than "he lit the lamps". surely both past tense, or is there more to it?
Despite being a fussy pedant (is there any other kind?) I don't really know my tenses by name (how unbearably tense) ((my what a lots of parentheticals)).

oh get on with your work!

sitting on the dock of the bay

2007-05-22T10:53:00.000Z

And...

2007-05-14T21:46:00.000Z

You can also watch that video on the fame game, and vote for it; though heaven alone knows he doesn't need the encouragement!

The opening of the video is brilliant, and I know for a fact that is how Dan wakes up most mornings. Fact.

Also quite scary. For those of you who can't watch the video, a screen shot instead:

Embrace the cheese

2007-05-14T21:43:00.001Z

A matter of perspective

2007-05-13T16:45:00.001Z

Got to be careful what you put on doors.

Remembering Mavis

2007-05-10T09:48:00.001Z

Caught some of Paul O'Grady's show the other day when Thelma Barlow was on.

She was complaining that since she played some upper class roles in theatre, she now just gets offered "Old Ladies' Parts".

I'd probably complain too.

And now from our correspondent

2007-05-07T21:52:00.001Z

This is a post that i'm trying out via email.

Possible that I might end up posting more without having to log in.

Then again, quite possibly not.

So that's, like, irony?

2007-05-07T21:40:00.000Z

Just been to see Spiderman 3 at the cinema.
Pretty good, though it does go on rather.
Thankfully through the quiet bits, I could listen in to the running commentary being provided by the prick in the row behind.

In one of the more emotional bits (opposed to lamping and hitting steel girders - which happens a lot) said commentator exclaimed without any apparent irony "there's too much talking".

Wish I'd had the nerve to very loudly tell him to shut the fuck up, but I always have this innate fear that the one time I do do this, I will then be stuck in the room with them for the next 2 hours having just discovered that the person is a genuine mental who will now have a focus for their myriad whatnots. Me.

Is that really what they mean?

2007-04-17T16:35:00.000Z

Just discovered some odd naming choices for new products.
Intel are producing new processors aimed at the mobile market, codenamed Penryn. I was browsing to see where they got the name from (other than the local (very) town in Cornwall). Had a look at the Penryn College website, with its very spirit-raising mission statement. Only problem is, I don't think anyone has quite read it out loud.

"Our motto is "Achieving through Challenge". Every child who attends this College is challenged in numerous ways to achieve their full potential."

Is that a euphemism in your pocket...

2007-03-27T17:38:00.000Z

There is a certain way of saying 'lady' that always sounds dodgy to me. I guess it comes from phrases like 'lady garden'.
I now find it amusing to hear someone talk about the 'lady mayor'; and in ye olde hollande barrette this morning I saw a sign for an entire aisle dedicated to 'lady care'.

I'm sure there are other examples but I can't think of any at the moment (which really makes it worthwhile breaking 6 weeks of blog silence!)

Takes all sorts

2007-02-06T22:32:00.000Z

Just been watching a film on food in the south pacific.
Apparently they are very big on lamb flaps.

environMENTAL

2007-01-29T22:22:00.000Z

Do you see what I did there?

The Independent has been running lots of environmental stuff lately, including a campaign on getting stores to reduce the amount of packaging that they use. I was discussing this last night with Dan. We produced an award-winning documentary when we were still at school highlighting the hideous use of packaging, called "The Big Rip-0ff". This was in, I think, 1990.

So we scooped The Independent by about 17 years.
And I bet they didn't get a letter from Seb Coe.

In WHSmith's at Paddington this morning I was amused-stroke-appalled to see that they were running a promotion with The Independent - buy a copy of the paper (with it's big front page all about global warming) and get a free bottle of water! Yes, the root of all evil. Someone somewhere didn't really think through the whole picture.

Mock this, muddyfunsta

2007-01-11T22:45:00.000Z

Almost missed the new seasion of Mock the Week, though so glad I didn't.
This seems to have really come into its own recently.

Dara O'Briain is a fecking genius. Bought his DVD to watch on New Year's Eve. Hi-larious. Haven't laughed so much in an age.

Looking forward to temporarily swapping Dara's DVD with CornishRambler's copy of Darlene from Roseanne (or Ed Byrne as he's more commonly known).

MTW is great in that it's even making me start to like Andy Parsons (though I preferred Russell Howard's impression of him more). In fairness I do have a soft-spot for anything Russell Howard does, but then he is that great combination of pretty and funny.

American-ready terminology

2007-01-11T22:38:00.000Z

Just been listening to some of Newsnight's reporting on President Bush's announcement on the increased military numbers in Iraq.
Obviously important news, but of course I'm more hung up on the language used.

Initially this was going to be a "surge" in troop figures; then it was called a "plus-up", in a beautifully mangled piece of English.

Why not go the whole hog and just have GW announce that he is going to supersize it.

When is a candle not a candle?

2006-12-08T22:01:00.000Z

When it is a euphemism in search of something dirty!

Yes, it can only be "The Mandle Candle".

I mean, what the fuck?

Please delight and pleasure yourself at the following link http://www.mandlecandle.com/

An appalling product, and yet another occasion when you think "surely somebody, at some point, said this outloud".

A brilliant example of this previously was with a local firm of Solicitors, call Nalders. They went for a fleet of posh cars, all with personalised number plates.
Unfortunately they were all of the form "A16 NAL".

Honestly, I can't believe that no-one twigged.

Jam and Jerusalem

2006-12-08T21:59:00.000Z

Still not sure what I think about this series yet.
It's kinda "nice" but not really much in the way of laugh out loud funny.

That said, there have been two nice 'local' quotes:

1. Suggestion of a day trip to Trago Mills
2. "There will be no Ginsters on my watch"!

Is it or isn't it?

2006-12-07T18:20:00.000Z

Just received a great email subject.

"Genuine scam"

Which is it? Should I be worried? What to do now!!

See You Next Tuesday

2006-12-07T18:16:00.000Z

Well that was fun.

Tuesday got a text asking if I had been on the phone for the last three hours. Turns out no, but my phone line was buggered. Shortly after lost broadband connection.

Being without a working phone line or internet connection really isn't a problem when you work from home. Honest.

Phoned BT and finally got through to a person. Was instructed to test my line with 2 different corded telephones that I knew to be working, else I could end up paying £70 for an engineer if there was a problem with my equipment. Eventually got an appointment for an engineer at their earliest convenience: next tuesday.

so that would be a week then.

Thankfully Dan's brother is a BT engineer, and he came over this morning and fixed it all in about 10 minutes. I can now get back to ~~downloading cake recipes and porn~~ doing my essential and worthwhile internet business.

No thanks whatsoever to BT. Tons and tons and tons of thanks to Dan's brother.

Love Actually

2006-11-29T10:47:00.000Z

I bought this cheap on DVD at the weekend and watched it the other night.
Not the best film in the world, but worth the admission price alone for Sir Bill Nighy. The man's a god!

One of the emotionally-charged ending bits is with the irritatingly cute boy who goes to the airport to tell a girl that he loves her. I couldn't help, watching it, think how different the scene would play out now, post security clampdowns.

Rather than gamely running through metal detectors and down corridors whilst being pursued by bumbly and in-ept guards before he reaches the boarding gate, he would have been shot through the head.

Not quite the same feel to it really.

Inciteful insight

2006-11-24T23:35:00.000Z

Inspired by Dan's efforts on his blog, I have undertaken some in-depth, detailed psychological analysis, complete in six questions. How can it be wrong!

Age of 25 is blatantly wrong, I am really waiting for 40 to hit. I think that is my 'comfortable skin' really. But the bit in second one about being a misanthrope is certainly true. I went to Tesco earlier and spent most of my time there plotting the deaths of those around me.

I can't believe I was the only one doing that.

Plus next door have been playing the kind of music that is felt, rather than heard, for the last 3 hours. delightful.

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.

Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.

You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation.

You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.

Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.

You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others.

At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.

Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.

A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

You Are 25 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Is there intelligent life _anywhere_?

2006-11-15T09:44:00.000Z

Saw this post last night.
V funny.

http://www.bbspot.com/News/2006/10/turing-test.html

Tag your (54)it

2006-11-12T14:21:00.000Z

I never normally respond to these so not sure why I am now (other than the fact I'm trying to avoid doing some mind-numbing work that I have to get finished, even though it's a Sunday).

As per the request:
Please Leave The Following In All Posts : 'Remember that it isn't always the sensational stuff that writers are looking for, it can just as easily be something that you take for granted like having raised twins or knowing how to grow beetroot. Mind you, if you know how to fly a helicopter or have worked as a film extra, do feel free to let the rest of us know about it.'

I'd like to get properly into photography and would also like to get back to doing video/film work like I used to as a kid with Dan.

I used to be a campanologist but had a constant fear of getting my foot caught in the ropes and being hoiked up the belltower (as it were)

I have a 1972 ivory-white spitfire that has been off the road for a few years but should (very soon) be driveable again.

I'm currently making lasagne, pasta sauce and sausage casserole to freeze so that I can be a bit healthier; this in response to having watched HFW bemoaning the evils of ready meals whilst sat on the sofa eating a ready meal chicken curry (that was very nice)

I can speak about 3 lines of Cornish and should really sort out learning more, beyond things like: Fatla genes (how are you?) bana gwynn rudth (i'd like a glass of red wine) and gorthuger da (good evening); though having just typed those out, I think i'm pretty much set for all i'd ever need to do.

We drink wine with diamonds in the glass, by the case...

2006-11-06T18:44:00.000Z

I've gradually been confirming that my tastes are indeed expensive, by finding more and more things that it turns out I really like, vis:

Martini
Lobster
Poilane sourdough bread
Hotel Chocolat (everything)
~~high-class hookers cut to look like movie stars~~

Now to add to that, courtesy of the rambler herself: Fever tree tonic water. £3 for 4, quite small bottles, but my limes it's good stuff.

Not too bitter, just bitter enough. Not sweet, clean, basically bloody lovely.

New meaning

2006-11-06T18:39:00.000Z

From the Linda Smith tribute on BBC 7 on Friday, a new word definition:

buttercup:
face down.

And for old time's sake,

countryside:
to kill Piers Morgan.

halloween enjoy you will

2006-10-31T12:25:00.000Z

I don't normally like or approve of dressing up pets. It's just wrong. (And here's little frou frou in her leather dominatrix outfit)

These are still wrong, but something about it quite tickles me.

hfw does something new shock

2006-10-29T14:40:00.000Z

New series of river cottage nonsense this thursday.

Obviously can't get overly excited or carried away, but it almost looks like it might be new stuff. i.e. not seen before 30 or 40 times, or packaged with a new voice over.

hurrah!

Not that I'm knocking river cottage, but they have been kinda dining out on the same 30 minutes of footage for the last 2 years.

Fair makes your heart proud

2006-10-12T09:36:00.000Z

I saw a really sweet card in the local adult learning centre yesterday and thought it the ideal thing to mock and ridicule on the site.

I think to appreciate the full beauty of this, you have to get that it was obviously sent at the end of a particularly intense course on literacy, including of course, spelling and grammar.

Thought for the day

2006-10-12T09:14:00.000Z

Is a country anything like a mug tree, and where would you buy one?

the eyes (don't) have it

2006-10-11T10:32:00.000Z

Is it ironic or just sad that I have a voucher for a discounted eye test at D&A, but I can't see it anywhere to go and make the booking?

It's all in the name

2006-10-10T21:56:00.000Z

Was at the college this afternoon, introducing another 20 odd people (well, some of them odd, you know what i mean) to the joys of blogging.

Perusing the walls whilst everyone was composing the masterpiece of their first ever post, I saw a great poster advertising some computer courses. The options were:

photoshop (fair enough)
advanced photoshop (with you so far)
super advanced photoshop (ok, hang on)

I'm waiting until the really difficult courses:
ooper super advanced photoshop
opper super dooper advanced photoshop
shit me, will you look at what we're doing now photoshop

Not quite sure where super trooper advanced photoshop fits in. Somewhere though. Probably all about putting colour washes and glitter on everything [which is what was done in the seventies you see].

Freaky mo fo

2006-09-23T09:00:00.000Z

Saw a post of this video on Gawker earlier.
It looks relatively innocent and what not until the first camera angle change, and then it starts to seriously freak me out.

so I thought I'd share!

Freaky video

When you shout, you make it hard for people to find the funny

2006-08-23T21:06:00.000Z

Came across some great cartoons this weekend at gapingvoid. Even cooler is that you're allowed to use them for non-profit for free, and they make pretty good cards.

Some really seemed to strike a chord. Add to that that they are now being used as wine labels, well... can't go far wrong. Sucker that I am for packaging I'm now on the lookout for Stormhoek (the wine in question). I'm not usually a fan of South African wine, particularly pinotage which I think often smells like a hangover in a glass, but for a snazzy label I'll give almost anything a try.

but that's not for here.

One more:

Well hi there neighbour

2006-08-23T15:50:00.000Z

Another addition to the blogosphere in the form of Dan's new blog: http://gaylordssayno.blogspot.com/.

Though I have to say, gaylords very rarely say no, unless the questions starts 'would you mind...'.

fonts

2006-08-03T22:24:00.000Z

Been having a bit of a day today with technology ganging up on me.
Internet connection keeps failing; due to a glitch with a site that went live on Tuesday I'm having to forward on several hundred emails a day and the usually reliable ftp software keeps refusing to upload new files, meaning that whenever I have an update I have to delete the entire live site and re-upload. Which takes a while and is always a little nerve wracking!

Still, found a post on a design blog earlier that amused so thought I'd share:

There's a programme on tv on Sunday mornings that i've seen bits of the last couple of weeks. A god-awful show with Andi Peters and Anneka Rice that is actually way better and funnier than it has any right to be. Partly because Andi reminds me in presentation style of a mate of mine, and they also seem to be really enjoying what they are doing. Not sure if they are aware any of it is going out to the nation mind.

Anyway, they do a thing about pub food each week and Andi is very fussy on the use of fonts on the menu, and I couldn't agree with him more.

Godrevy

2006-07-17T10:57:00.000Z

Barbeque on the beach this weekend.
Beautiful weather, calm seas and a passable group of friends!!

The young aren't _all_ bad

2006-06-27T08:39:00.000Z

This is very old news now, but it just occurred to me again, not sure why.

Ages ago there was a report on a new security device aimed at driving away gangs of youths!

It was based around the fact that as you get older, you can't here high-pitched noises. So whilst anyone over the age of about 25 couldn't hear this siren, any teenagers would find it too loud and irritating and immediately disperse.

All well and good.

I think it took about a month, however, before someone had sampled this high frequency noise and converted it into a mobile phone ringtone meaning that kids could now call or text each other during lessons at school and the teachers wouldn't be able to hear it.

genius.

There's lots written about the decline in standards and how today's youth are like a pack of something not very nice wearing hoods, but stories like that give me hope!!

right, back to my slippers and pipe.

funny

2006-05-30T11:16:00.000Z

Just heard a great line from Armando Iannucci:

"Asylums are now called care homes.

Madness gone politically correct."

plus ca change

2006-05-01T19:01:00.000Z

is no change at all really.

Lovely day in Padstow today means that I can write the same post that I wrote almost exactly a year ago, the gist of which is: arggghhhh!!! my head is on fire.

Won't be learnt, that's me. 6 hours in the sun, with a hat on for only 2 of them: very hot, burnt head. Not happy.

Was a great day though.

oss oss!

2006-05-01T07:10:00.000Z

wee oss

Linux is the devil, apparently

2006-04-29T10:39:00.000Z

Just read a post on a genius site. Got to be a marvellous spoof run by someone who is strongly anti-republican. It just seems to full of mistakes and ignorant comments to be anywhere near true.

amusing though.

Shelley the Republican - Unix is bad and evil

So very special

2006-04-24T10:25:00.000Z

Saw a great advert in one of the many inserts that come with the Times on Sunday. Makes me deeply sad that I don't have a suitable garden to display these delightful, nay whimsical little delights.

The worrying thing is I half expect to see these at my parents' the next time I go over!

really quite busy actually

2006-04-21T15:31:00.000Z

but for some reason can't get much done this afternoon.

I did just find a movie clip that is pretty bad but made me laugh. Actually that's generally the case with these I think.

Hobbits you say?

wunderkind

2006-04-21T15:19:00.000Z

I started reading Wonder Boys by Michael Chabon the other day. I got it, I think, for a pound when it was on offer with The Times in WHSmith.

I was quite surprised reading it to see a big Fantastic Four reference.
The chap in the novel goes to meet his wife from work. She works in the Baxter Building, for Richards, Reed and Associates, and her two friends that he sees walking out of the building are called Sue and Ben.

And now that I have shared that, I can go away again and read the rest of the book.

marvellous.

is it wrong?

2006-04-10T09:14:00.000Z

that this actually looks really good.

not sure if it can 'live' beyond the trailer mind.

Penguins!
Penguins (and some more)

Of course not sure that there will be time to see this at the cinema, in between watching lots of black and white, terribly important turn-of-the-century french and swedish art-house films where no-one speaks and they play a lot of chess. Which is what I normally watch, naturally.

Why you should always read it out loud

2006-04-07T14:36:00.000Z

A friend of mine told me today about a local company renaming - with HILARIOUS consequences...

Anyhoo, the company used to be called Brewers, but obviously now there are several companies joined together and they are now called Brewers Group.

Not sure if there should be an apostrophe in there somewhere.

Obviously jokes ensued around the lines of failure to deliver, and that they used to be an upstanding company.

Video

2006-04-03T14:38:00.000Z

Got a feeling I've seen this before.

I'm researching for a presentation I'm giving tomorrow on using irhc media. Somehow, despite this being funny, I'm not sure it's quite right for the audience...

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2006/for-porn-albino-p1.php

Star Wars

2006-03-31T22:55:00.000Z

I'm sure that every one in the known universe has already read this, but I just found it in an old email and it made me laugh.

"Darth Vader Strikes Back"

There's going to be an extra scene included in the DVD release
of EMPIRE STRIKES BACK coming up next year! Basically, it
expands on the scene where Vader reveals his fatherhood to
Luke, and ties up some loose ends created with the release of
Episode 1 & 2...

The Empire Strikes Back: Extra-Special Edition

INT: BESPIN GANTRY - MOMENTS LATER:

A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing
LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by
Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the
ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but
realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.

Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your
father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No... I am your father!

Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.

Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true.

Luke: NO!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true, and you know what else? You
know that brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was
7 years old...

Luke: No...!

Darth Vader: Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at
yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your
own ship out of the swamp.

Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-
handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: Well, it's not my fault...

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never
gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's
the Dark Lord of the Sith...waahhh wahhh!"

Luke: Shut up...

Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I
had exterminated the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon.

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old,
winner of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod
Racer... right here, baby!

{Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.}

Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know
whose son you are, but you sure ain't mine...

{Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges
down the shaft.}

{Darth Vader looks after him.}

Darth Vader: Get a haircut!

Make yourself at home ...

2006-03-25T12:56:00.000Z

Some time ago I did some work for the Seychelles.
Just saw a print ad that prompted me to look at the sites again. Following a link to an ad for an incredibly expensive and luxurious hotel brought up some brilliant sales copy.

"Surrender to the call of nature amidst the lush foliage of one of Mother Nature’s loveliest playgrounds. Venture beyond pure shores and the captivating coastlines of Intendence Bay, to the heart of Seychellois hospitality that makes repeat visits a force of habit! Take up this Online Exclusive and we will complement your stay with one unique Banyan Tree signature experience from our palette of special treats.
"

Visit site

So come to our really lush hotel and urinate in the flower beds.
May well appeal to a niche market.

Very excited

2006-03-10T11:03:00.000Z

And I rarely use that phrase, but I am.

The marvelous Mr Dylan Moran is coming to Truro at the end of May.
See the booking info and overlook the lack of punctuation that made me have to read the thing at least twice!

If it is anything like as good as Monster it should be very good indeed.
Hard to choose a favourite line from that show but it's probably somewhere between "I hate you so much it gives me energy" and "cheese eating surrender monkeys".

OW!!

2006-02-07T00:33:00.000Z

Might have been a little presumptive when I said I had gotten away without pain after schlepping loads of earth.
Turns out I don't have miraculous recovery time, I have __appalling__ recovery time in that it takes an extra day for my body to even twig what i've just done before hurting me to make sure that I don't think about doing anything remotely like that ever again.

It's amazing how many things you need leg muscles for...

which one is tom and which is barbara?

2006-02-05T22:22:00.000Z

Spent a lovely day yesterday schlepping large bits of metal, bits of wood and quite a lot of earth around as, along with the 'Cornish Rambler (tm)', helped some friends with the really quite massive job of re-vamping their farm house.

In re-counting the day, it sounds like it could come directly out of a double-page spread in the Observer Magazine. The only thing that would make it more ideal is if they were called Jacinda and Minty.

Must have shovelled at _least_ 30 tons of earth. Well ... may be not quite but still certainly what could be described as _some_ earth.

Got some very nice eggs from their re-claimed battery chickens (there must be a duracell joke in here somewhere) that I had this mornig with some very nice bacon and sausages.

Some odd twinges today but otherwise feel remarkably without crippling pain. Which is nice.

Quite good really, all things considered. I've been promising/threatening to help them for about the last 2 years, so glad that I could finally get there.

Numpty a go-go

2006-02-03T22:32:00.000Z

This has been quite the week for proving that I am a complete arse-wit.

Last Friday I ran off to Tesco's in a last minute dash to go and get a bottle of wine and some nibbles. As I returned home, my pocket felt oddly and disturbingly light.

Yes, I had left home without my keys. I thought for a moment that I might have dropped the in Tesco but no, lifting up the letterbox flap revealed my keys, where I normally leave them glistening with almost indecent glee. Arse.

I've had my own place for about 3 years now and one of the things that I am continually paranoid about is leaving home without my keys. This leads to a practically 'rainman'-esque performance of continually patting my pocket, checking my keys on the way out of the door. But not tonight. So, sheepishly, I had to phone my parents ten miles away to drive over with my spare key.

Eventually let back in with an air of "bloody hell, that was embarassing. what an eejit".

Fast forward to Saturday. I went to Truro to drink and eat lots in celebration of a friend's birthday. Being a sensible sort of what-not, I removed my car keys and just took my door keys with me when I took the train into the teeming metropolis. At the end of the day, I wound my way home through the increasing cold.

Walking down the lane to my house, I picked my keys out of my pocket ready to unlock the door only to behold: shite. Wrong keys. I had once again locked myself out.

I've managed 3 years not to lock myself out and now, twice in two days. I was now, in the words of my ever-supportive sister, a massive twat desperately looking for attention.

That is totally book

2006-01-06T16:31:00.000Z

Spoke to a mate the other day. Apparently the "kids on the street" have now started saying that things are "book" rather than "cool" as book normally comes up on predictive text when trying to say cool on a mobile phone.

Not sure if I kinda like that or not. I suppose it is a 'growth of the language' thing, and is almost like a pun. I think I do like it on reflection.

I certainly do say cool far too much. Not quite sure what else to say really, and I don't generally fit the 70s hangover surfer dude (apart from the hangover bit, that's often true. see what I did there!!). I do get odd looks every now and again if I say cool in a business meeting. Probably get even weirder looks if I start saying book though.

Fab badge

2006-01-03T12:27:00.000Z

I've been meaning to post this all week but have only just plugged my phone in.

Granted this may have been fuelled slightly by alcohol and the faint hysteria that usually settles in at the end of Christmas day, but we all found this ridiculously funny.
First is the box, then comes the joy of the badge within:

Happy New Year!

2005-12-31T16:51:00.000Z

Not exactly an original sentiment, but true nonetheless.

I'm off shortly for a nice meal and then over to a friend's for a party through to midnight.

New Year always seems overly stressful, trying to pull together too many disparate groups of friends who all seem to be doing their own thing and "never the twain shall meet". So much so that I am normally quite tempted just to stay home with a bottle of cava and a ready meal - but then I do like to have a change in routine every now and again! So the meal and party thing seems to work out quite well.

Although last year we ended up going to somewhere that was rather over-priced. I spoke to them on the phone and got the price, which I thought was pricey but what the heck, a special night and all. Only when seated did I spot that the price had gone up by a further £8. So we're not going there.

I've also been promised by my dining companion that contrary to last year, he isn't going to go out for a massive restaurant lunch only a few hours before.
Well he is, but is only go to have a starter!

Well, see you on the other side.
Hope you all have fun with whatever you do tonight and spend next year doing whatever it is that you really want to do (as long as it isn't illegal and doesn't involve small furry animals).

Eck

2005-12-18T23:39:00.000Z

Well Christmas is fast upon us, seem to be running out of time.
Am off for a few days before Christmas to visit some friends.
I've had in my head for ages that I'm off on Wednesday, but turns out it is Tuesday instead. Had sudden dawning realistion of this earlier when looking at my calendar which is quite nicely filled out for Tuesday. Now have to try and re-shuffle everything.

Why is it always the same when you take time off? Seems almost not worth the bother. Almost!

Here is something I saw the other day whilst wondering past a chinese restaurant and, now that I have my "Fancy poncey phone (TM)" I can take a photo of it and share it with the world. Or at least Izzy and James...

You've got to admire a place that doesn't go for the hard sell. Was tempted to go in and order that along with some 'not bad at a push' fried rice.

what a pavlova

2005-11-26T10:44:00.000Z

Well yesterday was a bit of a to do.

On Thursday my new, snazzy phone decided to go tits up, so yesterday afternoon went back to the phone shop to get it replaced. Apparently though I was 8 days outside of the 28 days that orange arbitrarily set, so they wouldn't replace it. Well, at one point they said they would, but then changed their mind again. All of this, sadly, took 2.5 hours of waiting in phone queues and so forth.

All of this was going on whilst a ton of snow was falling outside. I normally completely disregard all of the hype and paranoia about snow, but yesterday the folly was very much on me.

Finally escaping the mobile phone shop with a non-working mobile, I found there were no working routes out of the city. I also found that my favourite pair of boots fail specatularly on two counts: non-leakability and stay-upability. So went to Stead and Simpson (the only shoe shop still open) to purchase a new pair of boots that passed both the previous tests. The bloke in the shop was ecstaticaly happy, he took so much money yesterday afternoon.

Actually, I did make a small purchase before I bought boots: two bottles of quite expensive wine (to compensate for dead phone. that'll show orange!)

I then went on a gentle stroll for about 3 miles past lots of stuck traffic, the occasional bus sliding backwards down a hill and so forth to impose myself on a work colleague. Had a very nice evening drinking quite a lot of wine and talking nonsense.

This morning, all the roads completely clear. A few cars around but nothing even half approaching the kinda-hoped-for post-apocalyptic scene. No cars of fire, very few zombies. Quite dissapointing.

I've had the battery out of the phone now for about 15 hours. Plugging back in: my phone now works perfectly. Obviously that's a good thing, but it does mean really that yesterday was COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY.

Still, gives me something to blog about and I do have a new pair of boots!